Lazy Days

Well, Hello Again! So, long time no post. Life...what can I tell you. Here is the blog I was trying to post a couple of weeks ago and was unable to. Stay tuned for, "Attack of the Stink Eye" and other bizzarre happinings.




I love lazy Sunday mornings,

 small bodies draped over mine,

 spaghetti noodle arms tangled in a mess of blankets,

 soft breath of groggy toddlers so close;

 starting the morning out close to my heart.

I love how independence has taken over baby days and cereal tumbles onto bare feet as we must pour the it ‘Myself’.

I love watching the morning hours blend into the noon ones while we lounge in pj’s reading library books on the back patio. I love watching them make forts and imaginary worlds of make believe.

I love afternoons spent swimming in the backyard, eating reheated pizza picnic style.

I love the bliss of the playground and running into dear friends unexpectedly.

I love taking things slow. Having real conversations. Making time for eachother. Weekends are so perfect for that.

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Time for Fun?

Being the mother of a three and four year old can be…well, let’s just say it OVERWHELMING sometimes. A constant barrage of who needs what can leave you with an eye twitch and a bulging vein on your forehead. And so I turned inevitably to the babysitter to take some of the pressure off (of the vein of course)…you know, that free babysitter, the good ole’ telly.

It didn’t start out that way. But after a sever bout of stomach flu I began using it to contain the puking area.

And so the MONSTER WAS BORN!!!

The begging ensued. It’s as easy as that. Who likes to hear PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE till Big Momma starts breathing fire? Yah…my kids do!

 But on April 19^th our family participated in the National No TV Week.

What…you say??? NO TV? As in NONE???

That’s right, Ladies and Gentlemen…NONE!!!

And let me tell you those first couple of days were no picnic. I had gotten very use to switching my little ‘Go to Friend’ on when I needed a moment of relief. So I had to get creative…very creative.

Step 1: Go outside

We dug in the dirt and blew bubbles. We played in the sprinkler and took walks, and painted water colors on the back patio. We played hide and seek!

Oh, and for the first two days we complained about no TV in between each of those things.

We cut and pasted and went to the library and read books. We played dress up and had dance parties. You name it, we did it!

Within two days the coolest thing happened, no one was asking for the TV anymore. We were having way too much fun! We really didn’t have time to miss it. We were too busy finding bugs and catching fireflies, fishing in the pond and being a family.

So now, it’s not that the TV is never on. Maybe once or twice a week the kids will watch a show. And sometimes we have special movie nights. We pop popcorn and snuggle up.

But the thing is…it’s conscious. It’s a decision…not a habit of zoning out of letting one show slide into the next.

Our little experiment has led to the coolest side effect. The kids play differently. Being in front of the Boob Tube, it’s like they forgot how to play, how to be creative, how to entertain themselves. I was the entertainer; which only drove me to wielding the remote that much more. I think you see the super fun cycle I was creating for our family.

With a loss of the TV, they remembered…how to be a kid, how to play, how to create. There is no place their amazing imaginations won’t take them.

So here’s a gentle shove (sometimes we need those) to put the ole’ boob tube away, go outside, be a kid, be creative, be a family.

Give it shot just for a week! Let me know how it goes!

Don’t be scared! Those shows can wait. You might just find you’ve been missing the greatest thing of all!

Love,

Big Momma Payne

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Blooper Reel

So this week Ella crammed huge wads of toilet paper into the potty. Aiden flushed 3 or 4 times and Voila’ FLOOD! I couldn’t get the water to turn off at the wall so I had to take the lid off and use the ribbon from a birthday balloon to tie the ball thingy to the towel bar above the toilet, while the kids are running through the house screaming, “Oh my Gosh! Oh my Gosh! Oh my Gosh!”  And so you have it, Folks. I’m a regular Macgyver!

She’s a very busy and curious little girl who has questions about lots of things.

Aww...isn't she cute...and innocent?

One of those things being, “What would happen if I smear gobs of Vaseline all over my face?” Hmmm…well, she was literally my shining star. And, might I add, a shining star with very soft skin. Sorry, no pics. Those glimmering little hands jolted me into action before she managed to cover anything else in petroleum jelly.

One of Aiden’s friends at school was asking about an owie on my leg (yes, I call them that too) to which Aiden promptly pulled down my shirt as I was leaning over to show the kids the birthmark I have on my chest. So I guess I can check flashing a group of toddlers off my ‘to do’ list.

Oh and Ella cut up the parking ticket I got last weekend. Yay for craft time!

She has also found the joy of stickers and Band-Aids. Oh…and rocks in the pool. That’s going to be a chilly one to clean up.

On a funny yet interesting note. I was cleaning the kitchen in my yoga pants and a sports bra. Aiden was standing behind me as he informed me that I look like Dad.

Uh...huh?

"Don't worry Mom, not your face just your body."

Oh...sweet relief! I just have the body of a man. I was concerned for a minute.



Ella is going through a weird phase where the she is scared of her baby doll's eyes. She keeps telling me their creepy looking and she wants them out of her room. I was talking to her the other day when her eyes got wide, she covered her mouth and said, "Mommy your eyes look creepy!"
To which Aiden hollered from the other room, "Mom! Let me see your creepy lookin face!!!"



:  ( Might need a little self esteem pick me up after this week.



*And yes, I do watch my children. Their just very quick, sneaky little boogers who like to keep me on my toes!!!

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The Great Send Off

It was a big week for us, one of us in particular. Ella made one giant leap into childhood and kissed her sweet little Mimis good bye. 'Mimi' as she so adoringly named her pacifier, has been a very central part of her life since the day she was born.

As time has passed by I knew it was getting closer to leaving the beloved mimi behind, but it was never the right time. We have transitioned so many times in the last year and it didn't seem right for her to be with out  her main stay.

Since we've gotten settled into our new house, we have begun discussions about Mimi Fairies and how they come gather up the Mimis and take them to little fairy babies who really need them. Leaving behind something wonderful for her, of course!

Well, on Saturday night Ella, out of the blue, decided it was time. She buzzed with excitement as she flew about the house gathering them up, while I prepared a beautiful little box for their send off.

I explained that once the fairies had come that the mimis would be gone forever and double checked that she was really ready. My beautiful determined girl was adamant. So, we ventured outside with the box, held hands and sang a song to the Mimi Fairies. We thanked those beloved Mimis for all the comfort they had given Ella over the span of her short life and said good bye.

She went to bed excited and sure of herself without a peep about wanting them with her.

Aiden on the other hand was heart broken. He called me into his room crying.

"Mom, this is a bad idea! We can't give away Ella's mimis. She's going to be sad." he pleaded over and over. And every time he said sad he would start to cry again.

My sweet sensitive boy was dead set against this decision.

The next morning those fairies delivered with craisens and a few m&m's sprinkled in, along with a ticket to build a bear so she could pick out a new sleeping buddy. Aiden of course needed a bear as well for being a great big brother!

The kids had a blast and we headed home with Polka Dot, Aiden's cycodelic bear and Isabear (she came up with that name on her own!) Ella's precious new friend.

It has not been smooth sailing.

Is it ever when we choose to give up something precious to us?

We have had nights spent rocking in Momma's arms as hot tears of regret streamed down my precious angel girl's face. Every mother knows how hard that is to watch.

Aiden has been the scheming big brother, who thinks he has located the tree the Mimi Fairies live in and has told me he's pretty sure he can fly up their and get them back for her.

But it is getting easier...every night it's getting easier.

Aiden pulled me aside the other day for an 'I told you so' talk.

"I knew this was going to happen," he said, his face stern.

"You should have never let her give those away. I knew she was going to be sad."

Leaving the door wide open for one of those teachable moments, I rushed in before it swung shut.

"Aiden," I told him..."Everyone...Ella, Aiden, Mommy and Daddy included has things that we think we need, that we think we can't live without. Sometimes it takes letting those things go to realize we didn't need it in the first place...to realized we are big and strong. Ella is BIG and STRONG and she can do this! And we need to show her we love her by believing that and telling her how big and strong she really is and how very proud of her we are."

My most AMAZING Ella is big and strong! Giving up the Binky can be dismissed as just part of growing up, but it is a BIG DEAL to leave behind the thing you have placed your security in.

She might be three but she is determined and courageous and...

     I am inspired!

I will take that snapshot in my mind of those tiny hands waving a brave good bye and I will treasure it every time I have the opportunity to let go of my security blanket...my plan.

May I always courageously wave goodbye -- in exchange for Growing Big!

Here's to you, my tiny teacher! Thank you so much for the gift of watching you grow into the Amazing person you are!!!

Love,

Big Momma Payne

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Eviction Notice

This is a little ditty I jotted down two years ago...nogging as I like to call it. That's code for blogging in my note book for an audience of Moi! After reading some disturbing, self-defeating comments from a friend on FB I knew I had to post this. It's something we all need to hear. Dozens of times, really.


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For my birthday this year I decided to give myself a gift ….the gift of kindness. (Hokie, I know) Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always enjoyed indulging in pedicures or splurging on the occasional brownie fudge Sunday, but real true kindness? That might take some work.

Being the studious girl that I am, I started with a healthy dose of research. Before I could begin this mission of kindness, I needed to find out exactly what I was giving myself now. So, I started listening to that voice I am so intimately acquainted with, you know, the little girlfriend in your head. And I found out something very important after spending a good amount of time with her.

She’s a real Bitch!

No really, she’s probably one of the meanest people I’ve ever met!!

Every time I saw myself naked in the mirror, she made horrible comments about my stretch marks and compare my breasts to that of a national geographic spread. And as I clamored to throw clothes on she would remind me of how I looked before I had children, and how I would probably never look like that again. She was so convincing I found myself nodding in agreement.

I found it impossible to walk through the house without her heckling me about what a horrible housekeeper I was, spouting off horrendous implications of what kind of a wife and mother that made me.

“I’m trying!” I defended.  

“That doesn’t matter, it will never be enough,” she snipped.

She critiqued my jokes and belittled the importance of things I had to say. When I had great ideas or new goals I wanted to work towards she brought up all the things I had failed at. All of this negativity really started to get to me. So I did what any self-respecting girl would do...

I had ice cream, lots and lots of ice cream. 



Okay...so that's not me, but I'm pretty sure that's what I looked like



And while I was eating that cold creamy goodness everything was right in the world again. Ah alas, the power of ice cream! But as I licked the last drops from the carton, I looked up only to realize the girlfriend in my head hadn’t gained weight, she had gained size.  She was huge and mean and starring down at me with those condescending eyes, that look that makes you want to crawl under a rock and hide, the look that evokes shame in every part of you being.

I had had enough research. Something had to be done! How had I gone all these years without noticing who was living in upstairs? I looked over my research and made a life altering decision. I had to step up as the land lord and send an eviction notice. My little girlfriend had to go! I was never going to have any peace if I let her continue living up there!

So this is what I posted on her front door:

Dear Tenant,

I have reevaluated your living arrangements and come to the conclusion there is no longer a workable relationship. Please pack your things and leave. I am remodeling the upstairs apartment to make room for a much needed loving and considerate tenant.

Farewell,

The Land Lord

Wow! I’d never done that before. I was a little nervous, as you can imagine. She can rage quiet the tantrum for such a small person.  It needed to be done and to be quite honest, it felt great!

Now, for the hard part. I was entering uncharted territory here.  On the bulletin board of my heart I posted an ad for my newly empty upstairs apartment:

Spacious one bed, one bath apartment. Needs a little TLC, only respectful, compassionate tenants need apply.

The next morning as I dressed in front of the mirror, it was quite a different sight without that harsh little critic spewing insults in my ear. It was just a body, not some disgraceful thing as I had been use to seeing, a body with lovely curves and pink skin. I ran my fingers over the definable stretch marks on my abdomen, and for the first time I saw all of the love that went into growing each of my wonderful children.

“You have an amazing body, you should be really proud.” I heard a voice say, not from the upstairs apartment but from deep within my heart, and I instantly recognized it as my own.  The voice was so convincing I nodded in agreement. I stood a little bit straighter and I couldn’t help but smile.

As I walked through the house I picked up toys and clothes along the way putting things where they belonged, and as I moved through each room the little voice whispered, “Great job!  You deserve a clean house.”

She told me I was interesting and encouraged me to write down my goals and plan out steps in order to reach them.  I could hear my ex-tenant banging on the door upstairs but I changed the locks when the new girl moved in.

“Sorry,” I hollered up to her. “There is a very strict lease agreement. Looks like it’s time for you to move on!” She mumbled something hateful and stomped off. I couldn’t make it out. I was too busy listening to the voice in my heart.

My little girlfriend still calls from time to time, although I don’t answer her calls and I certainly never let her back into the apartment. Without all of the harsh criticism and negativity there is quite a bit of space upstairs so I recently moved in two new tenants, Determination and Big Dreams. It’s the perfect arrangement!

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Peak of the Week

So here are just a few snapshots of our week.

Silliness

Craziness

Real Life with Big Momma and Fam

Last week it poured so hard on my way to pick up Aiden from school that we were all soaked clear past our undies. Aiden was already drenched from playing in it at school (yes, he goes to a very cool school) that he wanted to dry off and get warm as soon as we got home. Ella on the other hand, turned the backyard into her own personal water park! More power to ya, Sista!!! Many Thanks to Monsoon Season :  )

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yes, that's me hugging a tree. I heart nature!



Had a blast at Mt. Lemmon. Here's some more craziness from that trip!

Side note: It should be mentioned that if one teaches a toddler to drop a trow and sink a duke in the woods, do not be the least bit surprised when this process is repeated in the backyard while her older brother is pointing, dying laughing and screaming, "LOOK!!!! SHE'S LIKE A WILD ANIMAL!!!"

Oh and a bit of helpful information:
If a toddler should hurt herself while hiking, (a mild owie which of course seems life threatening to a three year old), always remember that any place can become habitat for magical fairies who sprinkle invisible healing owie powder from the sky.


Gotta love those magical fairies ;  )



Aiden capture this pic. Can't believe he actually caught Sasquatch on camera!!!



and then we cooked him and ate him. YUM!!!
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And finally, yes...Ruby had a birthday party!
What you don't have a party for your dog?

 Ruby had a dogie cookie with a side of roast beef...
weird I know.

The kids decorated their own brownie cupcakes 

 And everyone opened the present they bought
her with their teeth. Of course, how else would
you open a dog gift.
Duh!

Party On, Ya'll!
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That was our week! On to new wild moments.
You never know what's gonna go down at
Big Momma's House!



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A Stolen Morning

This morning I sit on the patio of this funky little breakfast place chowing down on the most delicious chocolate croissant and sipping a vanilla latte from a REAL cup.

Do people do that anymore...drink coffee from real cups???

Maybe I'm just too busy to notice, buzzing in and out, just being grateful for a caffeine transfusion on the few occasions I allow myself to indulge.

I am lost in the delicious coffee smell.

     

      Out here I breathe.

It's quiet-- not real quiet, but definitely a different type of quiet than is experienced amongst the company of a toddler and a preschooler.

I can think...

           thoughts beyond who needs what.

Everything becomes more beautiful when I slow down...when I stop to notice.

The way I can feel myself breathing, the way the cool breeze whispers through my hair, the warmth of the latte as it slips down my body, the birds chirping, an older couple sharing good conversation and a bite to eat...

                                                                                 Beautiful.

I become a real woman again in a morning stolen away.


I am more than these cut off shorts and flip flops. I am more than the etsy bitsy spider. I am more than the cook, the chauffeur, the launder, the bottom wiper, the market shopper. I am more than a mother and wife.

On mornings spent totally alone sipping a latte and listening to my own breath, present in this moment, I remember.

And when I own her-- the REAL ME, when I take time to listen to the needs of my own heart, I come back excited to give. After feeding my own soul, I am a better mother, lover, listener, friend. And I am ready to give with my whole heart to a family that deserves nothing less.

Love,
Big Momma Payne

**What are you doing to feed your soul? I would love to hear! Leave a comment maybe even post a picture!  Everyone needs time away. So here you go!! I give you permission..not that you needed it ;  )**

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That Nasty Little "B" Word

Be Careful!

Watch Out!

Don't do that! You'll hurt yourself!

Be Careful! Be Careful! Be Careful!

Those words seem to echo in the presence of a fearless toddler. Keeping our children safe becomes our #1 priority as parents.

And God forbid you watch the local news!!! (which I no longer do) Unimaginable danger seems to be lurking around every corner, threatening to snatch our precious little people away from us without a moments notice. So we MUST pound this carefulness into them lest something terrible happen. RIGHT???

Note: terrible things never happen to people who are being careful ; )

In this safety crazed, germex driven society we are raising our children in, I am forced to question if we are missing the point.

How many 'Be Careful's' before they are no longer comfortable trying new things?
How many safety precaution's before they start to believe their world is not safe?
How many 'Don't Do That's' till they start believing 'Maybe I can't do it?'

And no, I'm not saying that you shouldn't tell your child not to touch a hot stove or allow him to play with knives. Let's not get crazy here. I'm just saying maybe we should give kids space to try new things, to shock themselves with what they can do.

In our effort to protect our children from danger, could we be instilling in them the most dangerous idea of all, a fear of living, of trying new things, a deep need to stay safely with in their comfort zone, a self doubt that they can do anything...be anyone...accomplish great things???



Last Saturday we hiked at Mt. Lemmon, mostly we drove up the mountain, but we did some pretty intense hiking for a three and four year old. 

view from 8,000 ft. above sea level



Aiden spied a huge pine tree layed over on the mountain.

"Let's go up there, " he screamed.

"Okay, let's do it!" Justin took his hand and they both started up this exceptionally steep hill.

Aiden's sneakers slipped and crunched in the rocks as he slid down every few steps.



"You've got it, Son! You've got it!" Justin was saying, giving him a helping hand if he slid to far down.

The look in that little boy's eyes was like nothing I had ever seen. It was wild and untamed, like he could conquer the world. In that moment I knew it was true.

"I CAN DO THIS," he would holler out, and he was right. He worked and strained and forced himself up the side of that mountain, no matter how many times he slipped or skidded on his britches, till finally he was at the top of that enormous tree with his Dad and a look of absolute victory.

Aiden believed he could climb up that mountain and he believed it because we did too!

If we had been too careful. He would have never had the opportunity to realize what an amazing thing he could accomplish.



looking down from the top of the tree. that's El down there at the bottom. She climbed it too btw. :  )



As parents we have been given the most awesome responsibility to help these little guys grow into the people they were meant to be. I want our kids to know they can change the world.

So while they are still small, still forming this idea of themselves, we choose to plant seeds that will grow into FEARLESSNESS!

May they learn to be BOLD, to scale a mountain in whatever form they come. My hope is that their only fear may be to not live, to not take risks, of not living with an open heart and not loving with their whole soul.

So when we are tempted to beat that "B" word to death, may

We Be Careful of :

• What we say
• The ideas we instill in our children
• The seeds we plant in their beautiful little hearts which will grow to be the foundation of who they are

& Most of all...

• that we are striving and stretching to be a living example of that which we hope to see in them.





Love,

Big Momma Payne

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The Book I'm Writing

Life is like a good book. There are different chapters, transitions, cliff hangers and climaxes ;  )). There are so many interesting characters, some stay for a long time while others pop in and then their gone.

But with every dip and turn, with every unexpected plot twist... one thing is always certain. Each and every element of the story is there to teach us, to stretch us, to push us beyond what we believed ourselves to be capable of.

And in the end when the last pages are turning, we are changed. We leave with a new depth and understanding of why we had to go to those places we were the most afraid to go.

And we are grateful!

That's what I think of when circumstances threaten to turn me inside out, when I feel afraid or unsure. I think of this book I live inside with it's worn pages and it's beautiful old paper smell, this book who is always on my side because I am the main character. I am the one for whom all readers are rooting for.

And I am living in the lines of this story for one purpose... to overcome!!!
To slay the dragon, to persist beyond all measures and to find my true love (who turns out was really me all along).

I love this story...this story which makes my heart bleed and scares me, this story that sometimes haunts me, that makes me think and question, the one I cry happy tears through and savor the sweet victories.

And during those times when I am dying to know what happens next or how something will work out, I think of how it feels to close a good book, knowing how it all ends. I remember how I want to crawl back inside that lovely story and rejoin the not knowing, and I have peace and sweet satisfaction...

Satisfaction that I am where I am, living this adventure, breathing these pages of which so many are still unwritten.

Loving Life,

Big Momma Payne

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